I’m not very good with Shakespeare. Despite loving literature, I’ve always struggled with the Bard’s plays. Even though I’ve read Much Ado About Nothing twice (once in school, once post), have seen it performed on the stage, and seen Kenneth Branagh’s movie version, I still can’t really tell you what it’s about. Now, I’m not completely stupid. I know the play is a love story about two different couples and is full of wordplay and misdirection. I also know that “nothing” and “noting” were homonyms in Shakespeare’s day.
Disregarding the actual plot, I feel I could play the title character in my own version of the play. It would still be a comedy, but rather it would be about how I literally can make a huge deal out of nothing. For instance, yesterday I managed to lose my brand new iPhone in a Marshall’s store. I left the store and as I was driving away, I realized I did not have my phone. Just a week earlier, I had destroyed my last iPhone by washing it in the washing machine for an hour. I was in a panic. I had answered an email while walking around and worried it could be anywhere in the store. Had I put it down on a shelf as I sifted through the home goods section? Maybe it had fallen into a purse as I checked a price tag? Or maybe it had simply slipped out of my pocket as I walked through the store?
I returned to the store trying to keep it together. I could not believe I had already lost my new phone. I waited patiently for a customer service rep to assist me. The store was packed and panic must have been written all over my face as complete strangers came to my aid. The kindest of them was a woman who walked through the entire store with me, calling my number on her cell phone, bending down, standing on her tiptoes, all in an attempt to help me. I was so thankful, but there was still no phone. Then, it dawned on me – I was pick-pocketed. The puffy vest I was wearing had very shallow pockets. It would have been so easy to simply nab my cell phone. I almost accosted a middle-aged man in a wheelchair who was texting on his iPhone.
After 20 minutes of scouring the store, with half a dozen kind souls, I called a halt to the madness. I decided I would head back later with my husband and his phone. I left my information at customer service and began my search of the parking lot. Worried I would find it smashed to pieces on the sidewalk, I resigned myself to the fact that I had lost my new phone.
Back in the car, I began to fight back tears. Mad at myself for being so careless and absentminded, I took a minute to sit before driving off. As I leaned back, I ran my hands along the edge of my seat. My right hand brushed against something metal, and there wedged between my seat and the center console was my phone. Not hidden from sight. Just sitting there, taunting me. I burst into tears. What a huge deal for nothing.